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I sat at a table in the café on the street corner next to the office, pushing around a croissant and watching the rain pounding the pavement. Jen sat opposite me, withdrawn, her avocado toast untouched. We were waiting for Anya, who was late.
It had been my idea for us all to catch up before work, and to my surprise Jen had been dead against it. It had killed the mood, back in her apartment when we rolled out of bed, but by that point I'd been awake long into the night, thinking. I'd reached the conclusion that as much as I wanted more nights with Jen's naked body asleep next to mine, it was clear she needed something else as well. I had finally accepted that I'd have to find a way to give her what she needed, or else whatever life I tried to build with her would never last. We had things we needed to work out.
Jen brightened and waved at someone behind me, and I turned to see Anya in the entrance. She waved back, but in a much more measured way, taking in the fact that we were both waiting for her. She ordered a coffee from the waitress and waited at the front while it was poured. The rain beat down mercilessly outside now. We were the only customers in the café.
"Good morning," Jen said when Anya arrived at the table. Anya nodded and sat down.
"So, did you kick on after I left?" Anya asked.
Jen appeared to consider her options but sucked up a deep breath.
"No," she said, "We went back to my place. Henry stayed the night."
Anya surveyed her coolly then responded, "Which is different to the conversation we had last week."
Jen winced. I was listening intently.
"You remember the one," Anya continued, "You know. The one where you said that you were into girls."
Anya took a sip of coffee, letting the last statement hang in the air.
"I couldn't work out what was going on last night," Anya continued. "Could you Henry?"
I blinked rapidly, caught off-guard, and started to fumble my way through a response, but Anya cut me off.
"No. I think we were both pretty confused by you," she said, sharply. "I couldn't figure out why you told me you like girls and then flirted with Henry all night."
"I wasn't flirting," Jen retorted.
"Sure," Anya said. "What do you think I made of that?"
"I don't know."
"I worked out that I was being led on by a flirt who had no idea what she wanted," Anya hissed, "So, I bailed."
I looked from one girl to the other as Jen struggled to come up with the words. This was my fault: I should never have suggested catching up. What was I thinking when I encouraged Jen to just tell Anya how she felt? How did I ever think that was going to work?
"You're really fucked up Jen," Anya said at last.
Jen's eyes widened and her hands bunched together on the table. Her head slumped, cascading her hair forward across her face. No-one spoke.
I stared at Anya, surprised by the passion in her voice, feeling that I should defend Jen in some way from Anya's cruel statement. I struggled to find the words to say.
But it was Jen that broke the silence. She raised her head and flicked her hair out of her face. I was astonished to see her beginning to cry, but her hazel eyes were defiant.
"No," Jen said at last, "No, Anya I'm not." She drew in a long breath.
"I've been fucked up for a long time," she continued, "For fucking years. Ever since I was a kid. But y'know, I'm not any more."
She held Anya's gaze for a moment.
"So, if you can't deal with the fact that I could love boys as well as girls, then I'm not the one for you."
Tears were flowing freely down Jen's face now, erupting from a dark and lonely place.
"But if you can deal," and Jen shifted her gaze to me now, "It could be amazing." Her lip curled into a snarl.
"I have waited my entire fucking life to find two people to have this conversation."
I reached out to hold her hand and she took it, holding so tight that her knuckles turned white. Then Anya held out her hand too. Jen's head fell again and she began to sob freely, her shoulders quaking, but not letting either of us go. I looked across at Anya and she looked at me, three of us at the corner table in the deserted café, taking the first step into the unknown.
---
The day turned to shit early. There was some catastrophic server outage that meant the company was suddenly unable to trade. I was stuck in some godawful disaster recovery meeting, tuning out the raised voices about incomplete contingency plans and failsafe protocols. I wasn't even thinking about last night with Jen, the way she moved under me, the way she responded when I tied her wrists with her panties, the way that made me feel in that deep dark place inside myself.
No, I was thinking about Anya.
Across the table, Lily was in heated discussion, getting nowhere.
"Guys," I announced, holding up my phone, "Gotta take a call."
I stepped out of the meeting room. No-one really even noticed. At the elevators I punched the button and rode up to the ankarada sakso çeken escortlar tenth floor.
Stepping out, I had a view right across the floor to Frances' office, Jen's boss. On the desk in front was Anya, all alone. I could see people through the glass of the big conference room and knew that Jen would be in there. It looked like shit was hitting the fan on level ten as well. Just then, Anya looked up from her screen and saw me in the lobby area. I nodded, and she nodded back, gathering her phone and getting up from her seat. I stood as she headed in my direction, head down and hustling.
"Hi," I said.
"Let's get the hell out of here," she replied, and called an elevator.
We got in, not speaking until we were in the ground floor lobby, where last night we'd decided to part ways and I'd ended up going back to Jen's while Anya went home by herself.
"Not out enough," I said, and motioned towards the front doors.
We escaped the building, out into the open air, out into the noise of traffic and away from trouble, just the two of us trying to put distance between us and the situation we were running from.
A couple of blocks along there was a park. It was little more than a patch of grass with benches around the outside, somewhere to sit and eat a sandwich and maybe get some of the sun that broke through between the high-rise buildings. We found an empty bench and sat down.
"I've been thinking," I started.
"Yeah, me too."
Anya was looking down at her delicate hands, folded on her lap, her lovely dark hair stirred by the light breeze. I was struck again by just how beautiful she was, and how surreal the conversation was that we were going to have to have. I realised that I barely knew her, but I was going to have to talk to a stranger about her sex life.
"How long have you known Jen?" I asked.
Anya shrugged, and replied, "Couple of years."
I struggled to frame what I needed to say.
"And how long have you had feelings for her?"
"Couple of months."
I leaned back against the seat.
"Same here," I said, "Ever since I started here."
"Well," Anya said, finally making eye contact, "I guess you won then."
"How?"
"You fucked her first." Her tone was accusatory.
"Hey," I objected, "She was all hot to trot for you last night. I was the back-up plan."
Anya stared at me quizzically, and said, "How the hell do you know that?"
"I just do."
"Must have been hard," Anya replied, "But you managed to push through and do the deed."
That irked me.
"That's not fair," I retorted.
Anya went back to staring at her hands. Neither of us spoke.
"Look," I said, trying to reset the conversation, keeping my tone even, "What we said in the café. Do you really think it would work?"
"Is this you asking me to bug out of your love life?" Anya said. Her tone was quiet but icy.
"Fuck, no," I replied, exasperated, "This is me up to my goddamn neck in I don't know what. All last night, do you know what I did?"
"Apart from fuck her?"
I could tell Anya was goading me, and I leaned forward, about to swing off the bench and leave Anya to her misery. Then I relented. There was a reason she was taunting me, it seemed out of character. I began to see how much she was hurt. She felt cheated on. I took a long breath.
"Ok," I said, "Truce?"
Anya didn't reply.
"I was thinking about the entire night, how she acted with you, and then whether she'd just dragged me home for a pity shag. I really like her, Anya, I really do. And I think she likes me."
Anya's head came up at that, and I could see her eyes were flashing, hurt. She was about to leave, I could see it.
"I also think she really likes you," I continued hastily, "I lay next to her for ages thinking, and I came to the conclusion that I'd never be able to give her everything she wanted."
Anya sat very still, but at least he hadn't stood up and walked away yet.
"And I don't think you would be able to either," I concluded.
I could see the uncertainty in her face. Slowly she stood, and I thought that I'd blown it. But she didn't walk off; she seemed frozen to the spot.
"Okay, she said at last, "So you think that the only way she would stay with either of us, is if she stayed with both of us."
Anya began to pace up and down in front of me. I waited nervously for her verdict. Finally, she came to a halt.
"There's something you need to understand about me," Anya said at last, "This," and she made a gesture between us both, "This will never happen. I don't do boys."
Anya surprised me then with a little laugh.
"What the fuck am I saying?" she said, "I have no idea what this is. I have never shared a girlfriend. Ever."
"Me neither," I said, standing up.
Anya's mood seemed to be lifting, and I could see that she'd made a decision.
"Look, it's lunch time. Shall we get something to eat, and then go back and face the music?" I suggested.
"Sure," ankara prezervatifsiz sikişen escortlar Anya agreed and we began to walk.
I had one more thing to say. "I was thinking about tonight. I think you should take Jen on a date."
"Just the two of us? Or with you as well."
"Just you," I replied, "So you can talk."
"What if we talk and Jen decides that she's actually only into girls?"
"Then I'm in the same position as you were last night," I replied, "And if that's the way it goes then I'd rather it happened now rather than months or years down the road."
"This thing is going to take a shitload of trust," Anya said.
"I know."
"I lied, by the way."
I felt a twinge of dread. "About what?"
Anya frowned. "About never having shared a girlfriend before. I shared my last ex for about six months."
Anya stopped and I looked at her, with an ominous feeling there was more to be revealed. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "I had no idea until after. That bitch was such a lying slut."
Her mouth curved into a smile. I grinned back.
"You nearly gave me a heart attack," I said.
"You're going to need more resilience than that if you're gonna make it through this," she replied. "Toughen up. You're the one with the penis."
---
A few weeks later, we were all out on a Friday night.
"I don't know how you can stand it," Lily said, waving a hand in the air, the movement exaggerated by alcohol.
I watched Jen leave, following Anya out of the bar.
Amir tutted. "Leave him be," he said.
Lily persisted, wagging her finger at me, "It looks like you just got left in the lurch," she continued, "While your girlfriend goes home with someone else. I couldn't stand it. If I were in your shoes."
"It's fine," I retorted.
"As if you mean that."
Amir began to look uncomfortable. I could see that he was searching for other avenues of conversation, trying to direct Lily away from the inevitable.
"I mean," she pressed on, "Don't you feel kinda ganged up on?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, regarding Lily carefully.
"We'll, it's two against one. You're outnumbered."
Amir laughed, a little too loudly. "Lily, you are single. I am not. Let me tell it to you this way, I am outnumbered and I only have one."
He brandished his wedding ring for emphasis.
"We men are always ganged up on," he continued, laughing again.
I took the opportunity to divert the conversation towards other topics.
"It gives me more time to spend with you guys," I said. "Now, who would like another round?"
I looked out into the crowd and caught Boston's eye on the dancefloor. I made the universal sign language sign for 'Do you want a drink' across the crowded bar. He nodded. I pointed sideways and he seemed to understand, patting Chloe on the shoulder. There was a brief interchange and then he shook his head at me.
I looked around the table. Amir raised his glass and said, "Same."
"I think I'll switch to cocktails," said Lily. "Let me come with you and see."
She rose from her stool and I followed her through the crowd, keeping close behind. She stopped abruptly as a drunken guy crossed paths and I bumped into her, suddenly aware of the contact between our bodies. She turned to me.
Lily was about the same height as Jen, but slimmer and with straight blonde hair. She was still wearing her work skirt but had swapped into heels and a silk blouse that showed off her cleavage. Green eyes, looking directly into mine. Then, without a word, she turned away and I hurried after her towards the bar.
We ordered three beers and a Cosmopolitan. Lily knew it was my round.
"It's nice of you to buy me a drink," she said, leaning close to my ear so she could be heard over the din. I felt her breath gently on my neck, and it sent shivers through me, her shoulder grazing mine; those green eyes, framed in black eye liner, wide and receptive.
We collected the drinks and headed back through the throng. Boston and his girlfriend were still dancing; the tall American bobbing up and down to the beat, dark arms wrapped around Chloe's shoulders. There would be action tonight, I thought to myself. At the table, Amir was on his phone, messaging. He looked up as we arrived.
"Busy?" I said.
Amir shook his head, "Not work," he replied, "Marital. I am being summonsed."
"I just got you a drink," I said.
Amir made a face. "Let me give you the money."
I was acutely aware that if Amir left, I would be alone with Lily.
"Just finish this one?" I suggested.
Amir shook his head and began to grin.
"Sorry," he said, "She is very insistent. See sent me both exes and ohs at the end of the message. How much?"
He pointed at the untouched beer. I waved my hand.
"Don't worry about it, it's a spare. I'm sure Boston will need to top up his fluids," I said.
As he left, I dropped onto a bar stool. Lily sat next to me.
"Well," sincan gece kalan escortlar she said at last, taking a sip of her drink, "Looks like we're the only ones not getting any action tonight."
It was the way she leaned towards me, her breasts shifting under the silk, the way her green eyes locked onto mine, that told me I was cornered. She sipped her drink again, her eyes never leaving me.
"Tell me," she began, "Why do it?"
I broke eye contact and took a swig of beer. Lily allowed the silence to drag.
I gave in, and said, "Do what?"
I cursed myself for opening up the topic. It was Lily's new favourite topic, and she had kept circling back to it during various after work drinks ever since our small circle of friends had found out about Jen and Anya and I. Lily, in particular, had been fascinated by the subject and her interest in me had been piqued. It didn't help that she was in the same department so we were often working closely together. It also didn't help that she was slim and attractive. Jen had mistrusted her from the start.
"It seems you get a pretty rough bargain," Lily said. "Your girlfriend gets to have you for sex whenever she wants, and then if she fancies a bit of," Lily pursed her lips, and said, "...pussy, well she gets that too. It works out very well for her."
Her tone began to irritate me. "Yeah, I guess it does," I replied.
"And you get left to your own devices on a Friday night while she's bedding someone else," Lily continued, "Doesn't seem very equitable."
I took a long swallow of my beer. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a small smile playing on Lily's lips.
"Haven't you thought about maybe...," she continued.
I let out a long low breath, and said, "Maybe what?"
"Maybe what's good for the goose is good for the gander."
"Meaning?"
Lily leaned closer. "Like you should get to have fun and Jen shouldn't mind."
I took another swig of my drink. I knew where Lily was heading. I don't know what it was: maybe the combination of the drink, Lily's delectable body close to mine, or the thought that by now Jen and Anya would be naked together, but I felt my cock stir. Lily placed her hand on mine.
I felt a rush of blood below the belt. The awful thing was that Lily was right: it wasn't fair. I should be able to take this woman home and tell Jen in the morning, in the same way that Jen would faithfully relay to me how she and Anya had spent their night, and we should all be fine with it. Except that I knew Jen wouldn't be fine. She would probably even say that she was and put on a brave face, but it would wound her deeply. I finished my beer and turned to Lily.
"Look," I said, "You don't wanna screw the crew. The moment I'm out of this stool there are any number of guys who'll be lining up for the chance. I gotta go."
I could see the disappointment in Lily's face.
"Sure," she said as I stood. "See you Monday."
She rose from her stool and gave me a peck on the cheek. Her expression was unreadable.
I left the bar and emerged onto the street, turned left on a whim and started walking. I covered six blocks and had no idea where I was going. The look in Lily's eyes as I left told me something. She was just waiting, chipping away. I don't know why she was so interested in me; perhaps it was because she thought I was bedding two women at the same time. I had to concede that tonight she had come close, her little barbs getting stuck into me and if I confessed the truth to myself, she was right. I wanted to take off that silk blouse in the privacy of my apartment, lay that blonde head down on my pillow, take my time over that lithe, naked body, let Lily win her little game. She was entirely correct, it wasn't fair.
I needed to talk to Jen and Anya. I got out my phone and sent them both a message. It just said, "Brunch? Talk?"
---
I checked the time on my phone again. Eight o'clock, dusk. There was a gaggle of teenagers across the street, all talking excitedly, all talking at once. Jen's message had said eight, and it was now eight, but instead of going into the apartment building I was standing on the street, quietly shitting myself.
Brunch had not gone well. We'd talked all the way through until lunch without resolving anything, and I was beginning to lose hope that it was possible that we could all reach some kind of consensus. Worst of all, I could see that it was gradually tearing Jen apart. So, we'd stopped, and in the silence that followed, it was Anya who said it first: jealousy would be the end of us.
For some stupid reason, at that point I'd opened my mouth and said exactly what I was thinking, wearied by the talking in circles. It just came out.
And now here we were. Eight o'clock, standing in the dark outside Jen's apartment block on my own, no sign of Anya.
"Fuck it," I muttered to myself, "Man up."
I went inside. Running on momentum, I hit the elevator button and when it arrived, I got in and punched six. It felt good to be actually in motion, all the way up until I reached Jen's door. I stalled, like I was waiting for something, then I took a deep breath and knocked.
The door opened a few moments later, and Jen beckoned me inside. She was in a loose grey top and jeans, not dressed up at all. But, I conceded, neither was I.
"You're late."